Thank you, O evil ones.

What people fail to realize is that the universe NEEDS evil, self-serving, black magic wielding elitists that constantly attempt to enslave us. In their absence, we would inevitably succumb to pure apathy and comfort; and with no driving reason (suffering) to egg us into any form of spiritual path, we’d enslave ourselves, doing their work for them. We need to thank them for our continued survival.

There can be no light, without dark. The universe operates in balance and equilibrium, and it has always been this way.

Published in: on June 9, 2011 at 10:36 am  Comments (1)  

Truth and Fear

Most people would say that they wish to know ‘the truth’. However, when presented with even the first inklings of said truth, they retreat in fear and denial. Being on the actual path of ‘truth’ is more fearful and painful, than most can bear. It takes a warrior’s mentality to persevere. But there is salvation. Once you allow your false views, and your illusory self, to be torn apart, to die the little death, there exists freedom and acceptance simultaneous to the harshness of truth. And I’d have it no other way.

Part of realizing the truth is to admit you have been a slave your entire life. This is not easy.

Do a meditation. When thoughts diminish to a few ripples on the pond, quietly and inwardly ask, ‘When did I allow my wings to be clipped?’ If you are still enough, the answers will show themselves.

And you will be horrified.

“Hell and Back”, a Story of Shamanic Healing

Kira Salak is one of the most adventurous, daring women I’ve ever read about. She’s an award-winning National Geographic explorer and journalist. I was emotionally shaken from reading her account of being healed of lifelong ills by shamans of Peru, after traveling into other realms of perception and ‘literally’ battling and purging demons and other-worldly entities, utilizing the ‘hallucinogenic’ medicinal brew known as ‘Ayahuasca’. Her account struck some deep chords within myself.

While it may be difficult for some to accept the interpretation of her experiences, relegating them to ‘just hallucinations’, or a superstitious worldview of a primitive people, I’d hesitate to be so quick to judge. The healing transformations that she and many others encounter, are admitedly very difficult to dismiss, and therefore need to be taken very seriously!

Salak’s experiences point out some major differences in thought between Western psychology, and the ancient practice of shamanism, when it comes to the source of disease and dysfunction. However, it certainly appears from quickly growing evidence, that their system, by getting to the root causes, actually works, while ours, which treats symptoms, doesn’t.

Hell and Back, by Kira Salak

The Problem With Science Today

I love science. I often read scientific journals and magazines, and am always amazed at the new things being discovered, and how advanced some of the new techniques and technologies are. What was impossible to imagine years ago is ordinary today!

However, I believe that science is limited in what it can explain, in terms of the larger truths, and this is due to a splitting process which separated pure ‘truth finding’ of ancient times, into strictly segregated areas today, none of which are capable of looking at the truth of reality as a whole.

I believe that at certain times in the past, science and spirituality were unified to a much higher degree. It was called ‘Sacred Science’, and was about learning the deepest truths of reality and consciousness using all possible methods. Today, however, science admits it’s only trying to figure out the physical world, and leaves the deep understanding of life, the universe, and everything to ‘religion’, which is based on faith only. Of course, many religions have no active role in truth finding, it’s just static dogma, telling people what to believe and how to act through supposed ancient texts, that can never be updated with newly discovered ideas. When wanting to truly seek the truth, this is useless, obviously.

I think we are closer than ever to reuniting spirituality, for lack of a better word, with science, but still have a long way to go.  Quantum mechanics seems to demonstrate the very beginnings of linking the two. But, I feel unless science today lets go of its stranglehold on their belief that the world is purely physical, and eventually all things will be explainable through mathematics and rational thought, the re-uniting will never occur. And yes, despite many scientists or institutions thinking they are open to everything, and are following the scientific method precisely, they are not. They toss things out that are ‘obviously’ impossible, such as those relating to reverse-causality, evidence of intelligence greater than ours, among many others that are dismissed due to assumptions on the part of the researcher. They think they’re eliminating useless ‘noise’, but unknowingly are imposing their own deep-seated biases on how reality really works. This is a mistake.

One of the most interesting areas, which hints at a link between mysticism (which is experiential) and hard science (which relies on facts and physical processes), is the fact that it seems to be that they are finally discovering (rediscovering), that consciousness is intricately linked with reality. Of this they have absolute proof… on the subatomic particle scales. They are uncertain if these principals apply on macro scales, although latest evidence shows it happens with large molecules, not only particles. I’m talking about quantum superposition here – that an object exists in all possible states, unless observed, at which point it ‘chooses’ a state, which is called ‘symmetry breaking’. An example of this from science would be that a sub-atomic particle created, but not yet observed actually exists in all it’s possible states, until observed by someone, at which point it ‘chooses’ one, and sticks to it. This is called the ‘collapse of the quantum wave function’.  Intuition says that it must have been in one state or the other even before being looked at, we simply didn’t know. But intricate experiments prove otherwise. It simultaneously exists as all states at once, which defies imagination.

My belief system, as many have realized by now, doesn’t ahdere to the limitations of current scientific thought. I believe that this quantum superposition exists at all scale levels, including the human scale, and even cosmic scales. Meaning that until consciousness has observed an event, it is in a state of superposition, and can therefore still be altered. (Although I can experience this directly today, as can anyone who puts out the effort and tries, this also mirrors the realizations of ancient and current day mystics and adepts in the ‘consciousness’ movement – zen masters, yogis, buddhist monks). An example of this truth in action would be in the ability to manifest things into your life using Intent. If there is a possibility of two or more outcomes to an event, they are all playing out, until you observe the result.  In the meantime, using techniques delivered to us by certain ancient cultures such as the Toltecs, we can alter probability, create luck, and do all sorts of things most people thinking in Western terms might think as absolutely impossible.

For those not used to thinking in such expanded ways, you might be wanting to call the whitecoats for me, but I assure you, this is totally provable… if not to anyone else, to yourself!

I’m convinced that certain ancient civilizations knew of this science. There are plenty of written records, the problem is, when our scientists read such things that go so far beyond our current worldview, they instantly relegate it into the category of myth, without seriously considering it could have been true for them. It seems too absurd. Nor do they study and link current systems of consciousness advancement (meditation, shamanism, mysticism), and the somewhat out-of-the ordinary claims found there, to anything they are working on in physics. These subjects remain ‘taboo’, at least in mainstream science and government funded institutions, which is evidenced by those especially open-minded scientists that have traveled down these paths… they are very quickly shunned as crackpots, funding revoked, despite their strict adherence to scientific protocols, and actual evidence.

A true scientist follows the evidence despite how ‘impossible’ it might be. That’s how true innovation in thought comes about. Our worldviews today are only in place due to a never-ending string of such ‘impossible to believe’ discoveries. Many of which took hundreds of years of suppression before they were reluctantly accepted. Just like the dark ages when stating “The Earth is not the center of the universe”, we live in a similar time period where certain subjects and truths remain strictly taboo. Some of these taboo subjects for which there is evidence to support them are:

  • Consciousness creates reality, not the other way around
  • Consciousness can therefore affect reality in ways that seem impossible using the old worldview
  • Reality as we know it, is an illusion
  • By learning to break this illusion, many abilities will become instantly available to us

Most people aren’t willing to allow themselves to conceive of the ‘impossible’ because they become uncomfortable when their long-held belief systems relating to reality itself are threatened. I’ve never been this way, I’ve always sought the truth, no matter how difficult it was to comprehend. I welcome uncomfortable ideas to fester in my mind… weeding out the ones that aren’t valid, and reluctantly having to accept, however difficult or even painful they may be, the ones that are.

And believe me, when one takes this approach, you will experience not only great resistance to these new truths, but pain and suffering as well. The old ‘truths’ are so ingrained, it remains one of the most difficult tasks to let them go, and often takes a concerted, multidisciplinary approach to ensuring their proper extraction.

Published in: on May 17, 2011 at 2:41 pm  Leave a Comment  

Are Children Naturally More Spiritual?

Do you remember any mystical or magical experiences from when you were a kid? I’m certain that I’ve had many more than I do remember, but it does seem to me that as a child we are freer to perceive reality more as it is, before societal conditional has a chance to take hold.

I remember pondering deep questions on the nature of consciousness as early as 4 or 5 years old, asking myself questions such as, “Who am I, how did I come to be here?” In retrospect, I wish I had been taught things such as meditation, so I could have expanded my awareness, and learned to thwart the inevitable conditioning which only limits our experience.

I came across an amazing video today of a very young girl discussing meditation and spirituality. I find it fascinating! It’s quite obvious to anyone who watches this amazing young girl that she is speaking from direct experience, and not from someone’s ideas of spirituality she read about, or was told about. That’s what it’s all about, direct experience, which leads to true wisdom.

Take a look, and let me know what you think!

Published in: on May 11, 2011 at 3:37 pm  Leave a Comment  

A Glimpse of Infinity

Carl Johnson self-portrait

A self-portrait

A lonely cry to the spirit is sent forth with conviction, and is quickly engulfed by the ether.

Later, a reverberation is sensed, dimly familiar, yet nearly forgotten. Abstract and impersonal, the echo disrupts ever so slightly and in the most incomprehensible of ways the habitual assembling of the world, revealing a feature ever present, yet strangely never before perceived.

By focusing our awareness upon this wrinkle, dormant aspects of our collective being oddly begin to glow and awaken. What was once an unseen, insignificant fold, obscured by the gross onslaught of everyday life, is now a visible tear into the very fabric and nature of our illusory worlds, beyond which can be glimpsed, ever so dimly, yet resolving steadfastly into clarity…

…the enchanted shores of a grand sea of infinite possibility!

Published in: on May 10, 2011 at 11:54 pm  Comments (1)  

My First Experience Ingesting Monoatomic Gold

Experience : February 15, 2006

Let this day go down as one of the most bizarre in my life. Tonight, I ingested a substance which was purported to contain, the “white powder of gold”.  Supposedly, this is a magical alchemical substance long sought after by the ancients. The ancient Sumerians not only described it, but alluded to the fact that an ancient race of extraterrestrial beings was mining it from our upper atmosphere, and created a slave race, us, to support them in the process. I always thought this story was complete bullshit, why would an alien race need to come HERE for gold-dust? It had the sound of a silly story made up by someone trying to sell books, it made no sense.

Well at this point, the morning of Thursday, February 16, 2006, it MAKES SENSE. The substance that I ingested yesterday purports to contain some of this primordial dust, mined from an ancient seabed. Yes, my physical being realizes the absurdity of this, and a deep part of me realized that it’s simply wishful thinking, and I’m simply being duped into letting $30 more of my money go to some nameless internet company for some silly supplement. One that in 6 months time will go on the shelf with so many other ilixir’s I’ve experimented with after hearing various people, usually the ones selling it, purport of it’s near magical healing properties. Remember 5HTP?

Well, I’m here to report today of the most amazing spiritual experience I’ve had in years, if not ever.

The box arrived in an innocent and mundane fashion. Someone popped into Ritz camera, and handed me a little 6 inch cube, and made some sort of  silly joke about it saying “FRAGILE” on the side of it. Erin may have said something like, “Wow you got a box from Italy…”, then said in an Italian accent, “Fragilly”. An automated chuckle came out of me. She was flying high today because she just received a $5000 medium format Rollei camera that some extremely generous Chinese fellow from Hong Kong donated to her, when a week earlier on a whim she decided to simply ask for one on her forum. She was amazed and in utter disbelief that she was now holding in her hand something she thought she’d never be able to afford… a $5000 Rollei with semi-automatic exposure controls. She was cradling it like a baby all day long. I’m SO happy for her, she is a wonderful person, as well as a passionate aspiring fine art photographer, and I simply can’t wait to see the amazing things she does with that. Today, the cynicism I hold of the human race has taken a severe blow. Like an Alaskan glacier in summertime, one little piece has just toppled into the ocean, wouldn’t it be sublime if this was only a foreshadowing of the whole damn thing finally crashing down, leaving behind the pristine, non-cynical reality which existed in my distant past?

It’s as if a spiritual potential is building, and has been for years, maybe all my life. And finally, everything is culminating in events that threaten to tear away the old, mundane and negative worldviews which have gotten me to what seems like a sad point in my life, ready to reveal once again the lost majesty and magic of a world which truly is divine and filled with bristling, giddy magic and excitement?

So, I open my box, and have two simultaneous experiences. One, is the excitement of holding in my hand a magical elixir that the ancients fully knew about and sought after. Who knows, maybe it wasn’t actual gold the alchemists were trying to synthesize for mere monetary and material gain, but instead, this magical white powder of gold, a true alchemical element with properties so unique and bizarre, they can only be described even by our own technologically inclined minds as, “magical”.

Then, secondly, and occurring fully simultaneously and in parallel to that was the old familiar feeling of sinking in my chest, which so often accompanies any grand experiences in my life. The feeling, “who am I fooling? You are holding a supplement in your hand, a mundane bottle of powder that some clever group of shysters has provided to you in tricking you into departing with $30 of your precious money by selling you an empty dream.” But I refuse to sink into this feeling. My new philosophy is to live life FULLY AS IF it’s the wonderful magical world that deep inside I so want it to be. Even in pretending, the mere act of following ideas such as this will help to imbue mundane experiences with the innocent childlike glee that I used to allow myself when younger. My world back then was a rich and textured magical place which existed privately in my imagination, but which caused all of my experiences to be tainted with magic and adventure. REMEMBER!

I even explained to Erin how I’m refusing to allow these negative thoughts of practical reality – God, I’m becoming an adult and I hate it! – to enter my worldview. Why do I feel guilty in allowing myself the chance to pretend and to live in this rich inner world of which I was so familiar as a child and young adult? What has happened to me? Don’t I remember promising myself as a child to NEVER ALLOW myself to become this tainted? Yes, I remember now! I used to see adults as tainted, lost souls, compromised and corrupted. Even the nice ones! I used to bask in the glory of my untainted awareness, and literally would do an exercise which would act as an anchor to that awareness so if I ever became corrupted, I could latch onto that anchor in space-time, and use it to pull myself free. By golly, I believe I’m doing that RIGHT NOW!

So I took the tiniest pinch of this slightly-off white powder (Bad Carl: “See, I know I was ripped off, monatomic gold is pure white, I’ve been RIPPED OFF, FUCK!”) and placed it under my tongue, and… and…. AND… Nothing happened.

No magical feelings, no opening of doorways, just the gritty feeling you get when ingesting powdered dirt packaged in a way to make you think your $30 was justified. Damn, I just ate sand!

Oh well, I’m pretending, just go with it. I left early today from work because the law offices associated with my condo refinance loan called and said we could close today. Phew! I was getting nervous that that would fall through. I almost expected defeat; it seems to be the predominant feeling imbuing my psyche over these past… 10 years. Actually, I think it has been exactly 10 years – it started about 2 years into my marriage with Alesia when I started to realize she was not the angelic, pristine, loyal soul mate I so wished her to be. Realizing that she was not on my side, would not help me in a pinch, only cared about her own needs and not mine, was truly the beginning of my grand downfall. God, I feel sick even reviewing that. How sad. POOR ME! Yeah, the futility of thinking like this. Thankfully I’m shedding that view, and this SAND I JUST ATE, I think is doing something strange…

Driving down Rt. 190 South from work into Worcester, I started feeling only what I could describe as a “tickling” of my heart. It was a giddy, high-pitched feeling which literally tickled my inner, upper chest region. Not unpleasant, not profound, but definitely there.

As I got onto Rt. 290 East heading into Marlboro, listening to the “Stardust” episode of Coast to Coast AM, possibly the first place I heard of the newly discovered “monatomic elements”, the feeling continued to grow. Shit! Something’s happening! It’s not my imagination now, but even if it was, who cares? I’m BUZZING now, a subtle, high-frequency body buzz. (I think I know what they mean now by moving to a “higher vibrational level”).

Bad Carl says they’ve hidden some as-of-yet still legal herbal supplement into your powdered sand such as Gotu Kola, which contains naturally occurring caffeine, which gets you buzzing and thinking that stuff actually works. Clever marketers!

When I got to the law office, I realized I was exactly on time. That never happens! At least not without lots of stress and hectic effort. I was calm and clear and was ringing like a Tibetan meditation bell. It was like I felt a sense of harmony, but instead of this being a word form I assign to a mental construct, my ringing WAS the harmony. Directly!

Now I started noticing the synchronicity and coincidence of the timing of these events. Within an hour of ingesting this long sought after, secret, recently rediscovered elixir, or food of the gods, or MANA, I’m signing papers which will in one fell swoop eliminate all of my financial problems which had begun 10 years earlier, and had gotten progressively worse over the years culminating in the loss of $120, 000 of my retirement fund, the near loss of my condo, the near total destruction of my previously pristine credit rating. And getting totally out of debt and back on track, just happens to be culminating within an HOUR of taking this magical powder! Granted it was in the works… but looking at it from a flow of awareness perspective, the events align in an important, synchronistic way.

Within two hours I was playing LOUD rock music, sounding awesome in a band with Dan Bunge, a drummer that for 20 years I’ve always dreamed of  being in a band with. I look at him as my magical dream character who shows up in my ‘real life dreams’. We’ve recently talked about this, jammed a bit, but my discursive intellect has sort of written this off – he likes different music, he’s hard to deal with sometime. But, the timing and synchronicity of it is unmistakable. Although last week we played, tonight, a mere two hours after ingesting the elixir, I was in a FULL BAND situation, playing a song called “Bad Religion” (Hmmm, 1st I’ve noted the synchronicity of it’s title), playing loudly (guilty at first, people are always telling me to turn down, not UP). Yet, here I am, feeling alive once again, doing what I love, and just finding myself in a situation which previously I’ve had to work endless years to try to attain, yet this was effortless—it just happened on it’s own, the events building up without any effort on my part over the past 3 weeks or so, culminating in this experience tonight, a mere 2-3 hours after taking the elixir.

The bass player’s name was Mark, and was very good. Not blues based, but hard rock, a nice guy, a father. Just the type of guy I’d want if I’d chosen him myself. Now this music, Godsmack, is not really my favorite, but maybe only because I’ve trained myself that hard, hard rock is somehow bad and I’m beyond that now. It is simple, but I have to admit, it’s fun to play and gets my blood boiling. I need to shed more of my apprehension and let loose, though, but I feel the elixir is making that happen automatically.

I left my Line6 amp at Mikey’s, for the next practice. I drove Mikey down to Ralphs to see Dan play with Jason James. He’s a nice guy, a teetotaler, who looks like a throwback from the 50’s. He plays Rockabilly, and does it well, although I get bored quick of it. But tonight, I’m sitting back and enjoying it. His head seems a wee bit too large for his body.

Later at home,  I’d taken another pinch of elixir in the bathroom and couldn’t believe my state of awareness. But then some bad thoughts crept back in, and I realized the sad state of myself, and how I tended to allow myself to indulge in such thoughts, which in this instant I viewed as an internal, ongoing spiritual battle.

At that instant, a cartoon playing on the adult swim network, channel 51, became noticeable when a voice on it said, “So let the BATTLE BEGIN!”

Another strange synchronicity! I took this as a positive, and immediately let those ‘bad’ thoughts go, realizing that I had the power to do this whenever and wherever they may arise. And they WOULD arise again, of that I was sure! How silly I’ve been to attach to them, and let them rule my reality! It seems so clear to me now!

Then, I meditated. All I can say is WOW! I was blown out of the sky! It was like a mushroom trip… I saw my body within a construct of awareness all around. That ever present yet hidden awareness, tore my body apart. But it was the construct – not a body. I perceived awareness without the body. Everything was different. I was HOME. I knew what death was. I died, yet nothing was lost. I let my body, the construct crumble until I was no more. I didn’t perceive. There was just perception. I can’t explain it. It was POWERFUL. I can’t believe it. This stuff is REAL. I see why the ancients used it. I felt like the veil was being lifted. I had a physical sensation in my 3rd eye like someone prying off it’s cap with a crowbar. I could travel to Ma’s house, yet had a simultaneous perception of my house – they were the same. Everything is the same. This house or that, mere descriptions added by the construct. I’m free of the concept of I and I’m!

Sunday, February 19, 2006:

I’ve been taking the powder daily. I’ve not yet replicated that first night’s amazing meditation, although I still feel a high-frequency ringing energy bristling through me. Taking the powder makes me think I’m eating volcanic ash, not the most pleasant sensation. Today, I’ve relaxed, watched some movies and not done much productive. I’d had nothing planned for today.

My meditation tonight started with that familiar pressure in my 3rd eye, as if an unseen force is attempting to pry it open. I learned a bit about time travel tonight. And how my life is not as it seems, progressing from past to now to what will happen. Instead, the white powder of gold showed me that my life is instead a continuum for which I have total access. I’m only stuck in the present because of fear. I fear traveling back because I make the beginner’s mistake of comparing one piece of the timeline to another.

For instance, I traveled back to “the happiest time in my life”, when Alesia and I were on that trip with Bo and Richard right after a Tensegrity seminar in California, I can’t quite remember which. Long Beach? Westwood? Immediately, my present body began to feel intense regret, pain, sadness. Normally, this would have totally thwarted any such ‘time travel’ by nipping it in the bud. Then a voice stepped in and said, “That was not the past, it’s simply a part of the continuum which is your life. You’ve just accessed that – detach from the present, don’t compare that moment with this one. That locks you into the illusory present. Simply experience the happiness of that ‘other present moment’ without the regret.”

And so I did. It took several attempts, as I wanted to feel so sad that those times were no more. When I did the voice kept repeating, “sink into it, but lose the regret – that happiness is a part of your life, don’t cut it off, or cut yourself off. Lose the comparisons, and have full access to the continuum of your life!” It worked, and I experienced those times as if for the first time… nearly forgetting about my body. It was wonderful!

Next, I traveled back in time to my late teens. I found myself laying on the living room couch at my old house, my mother’s. I could feel the fabric, see the pattern on the pillow. I looked up to see the TV near the front picture window and the couch facing it, dividing the living and dining rooms. What time period was this? It was now, of course, just a different now!

Again, the sadness of what will never be again percolated upward. This time the voice in my head squelching these emotions of comparing two points on the timeline, was my own. “Separate, no regrets; experience the feelings without adding anything – have access to your whole life! It’s your birthright!”

What a great lesson! I’ve done a thousand meditations, but never thought of things like this before. It must be the result of the monatomic gold. This ‘method’ is tough to execute, though. But think – we separate ourselves into the present only and we do it out of fear and regret. We fear feeling the feelings we will only feel when we compare two points on the timeline. We always focus on the bittersweet, and never on the more positive points. Like our living quarters, car, other things that have been achieved. Likewise if we project into the future, we can’t escape the thought that we are still in the present simply dreaming of what the separate future will be like. That’s two things, which is one too many. In this case, there is only ‘the future’. When we lose focus on our present body and thoughts of us being ‘in the present’, we are free to travel anywhere in time. What a revelation!

Another lesson was revealed when during enjoying waatching my 3rd movie of this lazy day. The movies I enjoyed today were Sin City, Curse of the Were-Rabbit, and Star Wars III, and I enjoyed them immensely. However, I habitually almost fell into the guilt trip. I intercepted what was to be a thought about how I’ve wasted another day, and therefore must be losing my mind. I must be out of control of my doings, I’ve let another day go to total waste, what a loser, what’s happened to me? I never use to be like this, I could have done so much with my life, I’ve got ADD, I’m severely depressed, Alesia broke my heart, I’m not the man I used to be, wah, wah, waaaaah! Here’s the lesson! I feel like this not for relaxing all day with Simon (my best friend, my Siamese cat) and some movies, but for allowing those thoughts to overtake me, without realizing they are just thoughts. If I step in and allow those negative thoughts to float away, guess what? I feel giddy like a kid! I’m all alone in my OWN condo with a magical cat here, watching COLOR science fiction (for years as a child with only a black and white TV, I thought that my world would be bliss… if I only had a color TV).

Think of how I’d experience this EXACT moment as a kid. It’d be the most exciting thing ever, totally magical! So, allow myself to travel into the past and future effortlessly, fully detached from this present moment, and I’ll have access to my whole self, not this sliver. Hugely important lessons!

Thank you, white powder of gold!

Published in: on May 10, 2011 at 3:50 am  Comments (124)  

Salvia Divinorum

Salvia divinorum is a plant endemic to Oaxaca, Mexico, and has been used for thousands of years by shamans to enhance awareness, and to engender excursions into non-ordinary realms of consciousness. It’s also purported to facilitate out of body travel. It’s a 100% legal product, and can be purchased online. For years I’d heard about it, read about it, but on this particular day… I decided to try it.

I’d just returned home from a trip to Maine, to see Kara, a girl I was somewhat involved with at the time, where things went quite badly, as they usually had with her. I’d nearly forgotten that I’d ordered it, but when I returned to Mass., my order of Salvia was awaiting me at my mother’s house. She had to leave to go out with her friend Kathy. My brother EJ and I decided to try it, so we could be each other’s “sitter”. This stuff is totally legal, unbelievably, and I got it from “”. We started out with the “Green”, this is the intro strength stuff, and it supposed to familiarize you with the effect before diving you in to full-blown out-of-world type stuff. I had the distinct fear that its effects would be negligible and that I’d been tricked into handing over my precious money for some gimicky herb, of limited usefulness.

We used the ‘two-experience’ sample pack provided as a free give-away by the company, and split it in half. My brother EJ tried first. The substance is meant to be smoked. We fashioned a suitable device for this end, and EJ was brave enough to try first. I used my cell phone’s stopwatch to count 30 seconds after first inhaling. This part is supposedly critical to achieve desired concentration of the active ingredient of the plant extract, salvinorum A, into the bloodstream.

Disappointingly, there was no apparent effect for ‘Mr. Drug tolerance.’ Later he admitted he doesn’t believe in “the other side”, or spiritual realms, nor was he willing to go there when the plant beckoned him, therefore he seemed ‘stuck in this reality’. I later discovered that in smaller doses anyway, much of the effect was controllable… one could choose to ‘let go’ and to leave the body as it were, or if fear or a sense of control took over, one could choose to limit the effect, at which point you might feel a bit strange for a short while, but nothing truly bizarre would happen. At higher doses, you’re going on the ride of your life whether you want to or not.

My first dose of “green” strength salvia wasn’t unpleasant. It didn’t taste bad, had a little burn at the end of a long inhale, but not too bad. I think it was my second or third hit that got me. As I felt the burn in my lungs, this feeling became the object of my awareness, and it began to move to the right. I felt my lungs and midsection sliding to the right strangely, while the rest of my body remained stationary. I felt as if I was being pulled apart like a piece of taffy. I had awareness of being in the room, but my senses, my visual field behind my eyes started to feel “pinched” somehow… Very strange but not an unpleasant situation which faded in a few minutes.

EJ next tried the “Red” sample, totally skipping over the intermediary “Yellow” which was also provided. It was much stronger supposedly, and again we split it between us. Again, surprisingly, he claimed he felt nothing. I tried it, by taking a very deep hit. It may have been my second hit; I’m not sure, maybe the first. But I immediately got that feeling of being melted apart from the midsection, again going right, like taffy. It was like my entire visual field… no… my entire perceptual sphere of reality itself, visual field as well as all my thoughts, feelings, memories… everything that I associated with this ‘reality’… changed shape in an incomprehensible way, and got ‘stretched to the right’, until unrecognizable. Now this taffy stuff which was everything I knew, now became alive with consciousness. It had a plan and was directing the experience. It was as if I stepped outside of and above my sphere of consciousness, and for the first time in my life was seeing things from a higher, grander perspective yet totally outside of what I’d normally call ‘reality’.

A tube formed of this “stuff” in my mind. My eyes were closed, yet the ‘images’ I ‘saw’ were so much clearer than any my eyes could deliver to me. Maybe this is what they mean when they talk about opening the ‘3rd eye’. This was in effect a whole new way of  ‘seeing’, much more all-encompassing than simply with the eyes. It was so very clear, sharp and vivid! Also, I’d lost all awareness of my body, I was a point of consciousness in a fully vivid and real alternate reality, it was SO bizarre! Everything was alive and moving, I was on a roller coaster ride, fully conscious, but having forgotten about “me” and the fact that my body was still on the couch. This ‘tube’ became the inside of a huge flower, translucent, sometimes with undulating, repeating patterns forming its walls. Something like blue sky loomed above it, the walls of the tube ever morphing and changing. Nothing was static here! It also could have been the inside of an ear, huge, how that would look, translucent, fleshy, pink, and complete with veins, superimposed upon a textured surface of morphing, undulating fractal patterns of infinite complexity, which seemed composed of awareness itself.

The new “I” was looking upward, from the bottom of this morphing thing. There was an instant before this started that I thought, “time to get scared now”, but it overtook me so fast, that before I could be frightened, there I was, successfully transported into a new reality, feeling physically fine, enjoying the trip. Then I heard a distant “Da-da-da-da-da-da-da…”, the sound EJ was making earlier to mock the psychedelic experience, trying to trick me into thinking it was an echo, when in fact it was his comical impersonation of one. Despite a distant part of me knowing his trickery, it literally tickled my innards in a way I cannot tell you, that made me giggle like a baby! His vocalizations also had a distinct effect on what I was perceiving. His farcical sounds literally vibrated my tunnel causing it to morph into something a bit more brick-like… Then before I could recover from my laughter, he did it again, mockingly, making me feel like a helpless baby unable to move in order to shy away from this intensive internal tickling! It was so intense I laughed out loud, I couldn’t help myself! I was trying to enunciate where I was and what it was doing to me, but the tickle was so powerful, I convulsed with laughter. Then he did it again and again, the tickle almost too much for me to take! Streams of tears coming down my face, as I was pure laughter from the inside of this huge “protohorn”, to borrow an expression I came up with from a previous out-of-body excursion, from years previous, one involving no plants or substances whatsoever, yet was equally as intense.

At one point, I felt that I was just underneath a membrane, part of this tube – up and to the left was the top. A bird chirped from my right, in both realities. I felt the mood of a blue sky world just beyond this membrane, maybe a higher dose and I would have broken through to it. It was as if light from outside was beckoning me through a translucent window shade. You know if you open the window, there’ll appear a bright reality outside, but even without doing this, you can feel it’s presence.

For a while, I now knew I was lying on the couch, eyes closed, with EJ mocking me from the chair. I could still see my vision, and felt very relaxed and euphoric, my body a bit jello-like. Then EJ turned on my video camera to get my first reaction, I was still affected, but mostly back to reality. A feeling of satisfaction and mild euphoria remained with me for 30 minutes intensely, and mildly for the remainder of the day. I felt fantastic, and as exhilarated as if I’d just climbed a mountain, seen the most beautiful vista, and returned.

All I can say is, “wowie kazowie, batman”! What a fully immersive experience! And did I mention, legal?! I did some research online and this is one of the rarest plants in the world, and it’s difficult to cultivate the active ingredient. So, this company has done all the hard work, by not only cultivating, but concentrating the plant into extra-strength standardized amounts. It’s from Oaxaca, Mexico, strangely enough, the birthplace of don Juan, and the setting for many of the sorceric tales I’ve read about from Carlos Castaneda. I need to reread the books to see if I can find any references to Salvia. I seem to remember them, and now, I’m fascinated to hear what the sorcerers have to say about this strangest of plants, and how they use it specifically for spiritual growth.

All in all, it was an extremely exhilarating and positive experience. While such ‘power plants’ aren’t necessary for travel into other realms, they can provide assistance when needed, a shortcut, if you will, and when used carefully and responsibly, with only the highest spiritual aims in mind. I’m still blown away by the fact this strongest of all known hallucinogens is still absolutely legal, due to it’s dissimilarity to other classes of psychotropics, and for that I’m extremely thankful. I am a strict believer that we should have the choice in using natural plants to explore our own minds and awareness. When used carefully and responsibly, I feel they can be a wonderful tool with which to explore the deep inner recesses of the human psyche, and of realms of non-ordinary reality so bizarre but yet fully real in every sense of the word, but that words don’t do them justice.

Published in: on May 5, 2011 at 5:07 am  Comments (3)  

Austin’s Doppleganger

The following is a true account. When one treads down the path of knowledge loosening ties to the mundane and the familiar, often experiences will arise which fail to fit within the confines of one’s previous limited description of reality. This is ‘normal’ and expected! Also normal, is that when such things happen, they tend to slip away into obscurity, unless effort is made to remember them (writing them down). This is because without a context, or a ‘pigeon-hole’ in which to store them within our accepted paradigm of reality… they have no place in our psyche. Therefore, I feel it critical to write these down in a journal if and when they should happen, so that they don’t get lost. Doing this ensures that these experiences will help to forge your new, expanded reality. They should be embraced, and not left to wither like the final vacuous images of a dream, evaporating into nothingness upon awakening unless effort is spent in those critical moments to save it.

It was a humid, mild, not quite sticky Wednesday evening, in late summer, probably around 6:30pm, and probably about 2004. My friend Chucky knocked loudly on the front door to my condo. Chucky is a musician friend of mine, about the same age as myself…. he plays guitar and bass. Chucky is not the best guitar player I’ve known, his skills are a bit on the basic level, but I actually enjoy jamming with him more than with some advanced players. His simple, yet melodic chord backing provides an uncluttered slate over which I am free to improvise in a variety of styles. I pride myself on being able to work with musicians of all levels, there is always some common ground you can find, and sometimes beginners are easier to jam with than guitarists who think they know a lot, and try to impress you or themselves with playing beyond their skill level, when the proper thing might be to lay back, and get into a melodic or rhythmic groove, letting go of all your knowledge, and simply feeling the creative flow.

A bass player friend of ours, Austin was due to arrive as well. We’d planned on learning some Beatles tunes, and maybe jamming on some original ideas in my ‘home studio’, which was my office, with a computer, mixer, keyboards, and guitars situated in one half of the room. Chucky had brought in two cans of piss warm Bud Light beer, and he graciously offered me one, which I took more out of politeness than the desperation necessary in order to stomach this flat, nauseatingly lukewarm brew. I forced it down while we cranked the stereo and got in the mood for some music. A short while later, the beers were gone, so we decided to run out to the ‘packy’, as we call our “package” or liquor stores in New England…. before Austin arrives.

I run into the studio and turn off the music, which Chuck had up a bit too loud for a shared condominium complex on a weeknight, and we take a quick drive to pick up a 12-pack of beer. You can’t jam without beer! Fifteen minutes later, we get back to the condo. I turn the key to the outside door, and head up the half-stairway to the front inner door. When I open this, I hear loud music playing, and after a moment’s pause, a stabbing shock radiates from my solar plexus, which was panic.  “I turned off the stereo, right?”

“You sure did.”

“Then who the fuck turned it back on?” I exclaimed. I canvassed the entire condo interior, carefully, like a DEA agent entering a crack den, almost expecting to find an unwanted visitor who’d snuck in, and instead of stealing anything, turned on my stereo and for all I know was still in my condo, maybe some crazed psycho, or home invader not expecting us to return so quickly. Upon further inspection, however, there was no visitor, everything seemed in order. It was then that I noticed that lights were on, all of them, and I could have sworn I’d turned them off when we left for the store. Even if I missed one or two, which I’m fairly certain I hadn’t, surely they all weren’t on. They are never all on!

With no perpetrator discovered, my panic waned, transmuted to a dull sense of cognitive dissonance… pure confusion, actually. I was quite perplexed, and a bit freaked out. I had a break-in once when Alesia (now my ex-wife) lived with me, and this is the feeling I had… first one thing out of place, then another, then the sickly, growing realization that something is terribly wrong… then the requisite search of the household, and the inevitable discovery that things were missing, and someone had actually violated our private space, and gone through our personal stuff, and maybe they were still hiding in there! Or planning on returning with ‘friends’ for more… Your mind truly tortures you with the worst case scenarios when presented with such a situation. But despite the anomalies, nothing was missing or out of place now, excepting for the inexplicable music and lights being on. Ghosts? I’ve lived here over ten years by now, and granted there have been minor incidents of unexplained sounds, but this was an old building after all, that’s what old buildings do.

We had little time to ponder the mystery, when we heard a car pull up outside. I peeked out the window; it was Austin, arriving in a blue, 4-door sedan. Chucky got uncomfortably close to me, as he peered out the same window over my shoulder, despite there being an entire, huge free window to my left. I could smell the rancid stench of his cigarette breath invading my personal space. While polite enough to smoke outside, I could not escape the effects of his nasty addiction. I ducked away, and then headed down the hall, and out the front door, to see if Austin needed help with his equipment. Chucky followed me closely, maybe a little too excited to get the jam started. We exited the condo, and stood on the porch, where we could see Austin, having parked out front by the curb.

“Hey Austin, what’s up? You need any help??” I yelled out to him, as he got out of the car. His recent crew cut hairdo was giving him away even from a distance. He bent over, reached in to the car, and grabbed his bass guitar, which did not have a case. He’d recently paid a friend who was an expert at building guitars to make a custom bass guitar for him. Austin had some input into the design, and this guy carved out a beautifully unique body from multiple types of wood, and built a one-of-a-kind instrument. Austin had waited months for the guy to finish it, and paid lots of money I suspect, and was using his old bass in the meantime. But when I saw the guitar he grabbed, I knew the man had completed and delivered the new bass to Austin, he brought it today for the first time. I was very excited to see and to hear it! “Yo, Austin!”

He seemed to be in a bit of a daze. He was only about 50 feet away, parked directly out front, and must have heard me clearly, yet he didn’t acknowledge my greeting at all. I yelled a third time to him. He seemed a bit weird, off, and didn’t even glance at us on the porch. Then, in a very strange mechanistic move, he took his new bass guitar, placed it back on his front seat from whence it came, and without even glancing at us, entered his blue sedan, with the deliberate actions of someone in a hypnotic trance, shut the door, started the engine, and drove away, staring straight ahead and not moving his head left or right, in order to check for traffic.

Chucky and I looked at each other in confusion. “Maybe he forgot something, or needs to run to the store”, I said. Chuck just nodded. We venture back inside, as I look for my cell phone. This time, the music and lights were just as we left them… music softly playing, with several lights on…thankfully. Just as I found my phone and was looking up Austin’s number in order to call him, Chuck shouted at me from my office, near the window, “He’s back!”

Not five minutes had passed, not even time to run to the nearest CVS. I was anxious to ask him what was with the strange behavior. So again, I venture to the front porch. Austin repeats his movements exactly as before. Eerily exact. He gets out of the front seat; I again see his crew cut. He then bends over and grabs his bass from the front seat of the car, again without a case, just as before. He shuts the door to the gold car. I yell to him, “Hey, you need any help?”

This time he looks up, and responds with the smile he’s well-known for, “No, all set, all I got is my guitar!”

It was then I felt a wave of dizziness come over me, accompanied by a brief but nauseatingly cool wave flush down from the top of my head, to my face, and neck, as if the blood had decided to drain briefly but nearly completely from my cranium. Austin was standing next to a gold four-door sedan. “What happened to the other car, the blue one?!” I asked, supremely confused.

“What are you talking about?”

“I just saw you pull up not 5 minutes ago, and get out of a blue sedan, grab your bass, then promptly put it back, and drive away, without noticing us!”

“Really? Weird, man. I just got here. I came from home and this is my dad’s car.”

There are many things that happen to us which we can’t initially explain in our reality. Usually, with some introspection and the use of logic, wecan figure out what happened or probably happened, and the world is once again sane, and predictable. This is one case where to this day, I have absolutely no explanation for this. Thankfully Chuck was there to share my experience because too often, when unexplained things happen to us, we have no way to effectively store them in our memory, and we forget. In order to store them solidly for later retrieval, we seem to need to be able to fit them into our current world view. When we fail to do that, they fade as quickly as a dream does upon awakening…

I personally believe that there are an infinitude of mysterious and things that we are unable to comprehend out there in the world. There has to be. I find the most mysterious thing of all, the seeming lack of mysteries in the world. But given that the truly unexplained seem to get filtered out of our recollections by our discriminating psyche, it shouldn’t be a surprise. After all, we share a basic human need to understand our environment. But should we not be actively attempting to expand and revise our world views to accept new data?

When I experience something like I’ve described, I make it a point to write it down, so I won’t forget. Then, loving a mystery, I’ll attempt to solve it using a scientific mindset. It’s not good to quickly label a strange event as ‘paranormal’, just like it’s also unwise to quickly dismiss it as being normal. I’ve toiled over this event in my mind, but always come to an impasse. The only explanation which makes any sense, is that it was a coincidence of grand proportion. Another bass player, who just happened to look quite like my friend, who had a bass guitar, without a case, parked in the exact spot my real friend did, having the same type of car, but of a different color. He also had a crew cut, and his bass also looked like a custom job, maybe Austin’s friend made two? Maybe he had a jam session, too? Maybe I have a neighbor who was also expecting a bass player, at the exact same time as myself. But… really… what are the chances of this being true? If coincidental, that would not diminish the mystery to me, as it would still be truly bizarre.

To speculate, it could have been something to do with consciousness, such as a shared hallucination, also very strange. Or maybe there are parallel worlds out there, and every now and again, the veil is lifted, and we gain a tiny glimpse into one of these parallel realities, which maybe are very similar to our own, with minor changes. Quantum theory and some of the most advanced theoretical physicists today are moving closer to this paradigm of reality, called the “multiple worlds” view. Intuitively, I believe that they are on to something, yet even that something will be out shadowed by revelations even more bizarre and hard to comprehend, as time goes on. And when those are understood, something even more mind-blowing will either replace it, or modify it to fit into a larger view. Isn’t that the way things have happened with regards to human knowledge in the past? Why would that cycle end here, this current worldview being the ‘one’ that’s true, needed only minor adjustments here and there? One thousand years from now, will that world view not be as incomprehensible to us, as our current view would be to those living one thousand years in the past?

Either way you cut it, it was a very strange happening, thankfully not forgotten, and most likely never to be explained. When I remember it, it reminds me of just how mysterious our world is, and that maybe, just maybe, we don’t have it all figured out yet. Some people freak out and get disturbed when their world view is challenged. I’m the total opposite. I love when my world view is challenged, and take measures to ensure that I don’t ‘gloss over’ events like this should they happen again. If for no other reason, it reminds us that the world is still a mysterious, awesome place, and that there is always more out there for us to learn.

Published in: on May 5, 2011 at 4:48 am  Comments (2)  

Behind the Ordinary Eyelid

I’ve decided to start a blog. To write about things very dear to me, things that I love, but are too bizarre and esoteric to discuss with most people in a casual setting. Most of my friends aren’t even aware of many of these interests. With over 17 years of concerted effort and practice, performed quietly in the background, using non-ordinary techniques, I believe I’ve had some actual success in being able to learn alternate ways of understanding the structure of reality, time and space, and the human mind. A bold statement admittedly, but possible using techniques nearly lost over time by ancient cultures which did not possess advanced technology, yet did posses advanced knowledge of consciousness developed over thousands of years. I’m still very much a student in the field of consciousness and human potential, of course, but intuitively feel that now is the right time to begin sharing some of my experiences and insights to those of like mind, hopefully opening up some dialog and getting some fascinating conversations going, whereby we can learn from one another.

Behind the ordinary eyelid, lies a vast non-local morphogenic field known as the human mind. Or more accurately, just mind. We have been conditioned to falsely believe that such a mind is generated using chemical and physical processes by the three pounds of chalky grey meat we call our brains. We have been taught that ‘we’ end where our bodies end, and that we are separate from the world, from nature, from the universe. We incorrectly perceive the world as a physical world of separate objects… but this couldn’t be further from the truth, and I plan to prove this to you over time. It will change your life for the better, forever, once you learn to perceive things in an entirely different, but no less valid way, and embrace the vastly expanded description of reality I will help to show you. We are living in a magical time, whereby we actually have the tools and knowledge available to transcend beyond the mundane description of the world, to access a much richer one. In doing so, we can learn to recapture some of the feelings of magic and vast possibility we naturally experienced as young children, but had beaten out of us by the relentless hammer which is societal conditioning. And it’s far easier than you might think!

By studying the often secret, and super-advanced techniques of ancient mystical warriors, men and women of the highest moral and spiritual fiber, we can finally transcend our illusory limitations! These brave souls have devoted their lives to transcending the limitations of ordinary consciousness and have aspired to dizzying levels of expertise in the mapping of the infinite exploratory frontier of consciousness itself. These brave men and women are explorers of the highest order. Adventurers who are born with an innate, burning desire to transcend the limitations of standard perception, to pass through the veil of illusion, and to wade deeply into the vast ocean of pure awareness, and have risked their lives and given up all comforts in order to do so! Thankfully, we needn’t risk our own lives in order to follow in their footsteps, and then to go beyond where they left off.

I too, have been born with this burning desire to transcend the stifling dualism of this mundane world, and to delve deeply and experientially into the pure adventure of the unknown. After crying out in anguish and stating forcefully to the universe my dilemma, my perceived limitations of the human experience, I soon began experiencing a string of highly suspicious and synchronistic events, beginning in 1994. I will share some of these events as I go along, if I feel they will be helpful in order to more fully understand how this all came about in my life. For me, my desperate cry for help was answered, and I was fortunate enough to have been connected with precisely the correct individuals that led me to learn techniques that would eventually break down and deconstruct my entire worldview… and replace it with a much richer, far more ‘magical’ one. After many years of secret training and practice in this regard, I have finally gained some ability to control my conscious mind in such a way as to actually enter into bizarre alternate realms of perception, verifyable realities different from the one we normally associate as the ‘one and only’ world, and to return unharmed, and most often in a highly exhilarated state.

To date, I’ve made hundreds of such trips, most of which were done in full sobriety, without any use of shamanistic plants, and in doing so, have acquired a very unique, new perspective (and even appreciation) for the current reality for which we are all familiar. As a side effect, I’ve also gleaned some very peculiar abilities that defy belief, that are quite simply impossible to explain using our current limited belief systems relating to what reality is. This was and is the hardest ongoing part of my experiences… learning to integrate and to believe that these abilities exist – despite years of success far beyond that which mere chance or coincidence would account for, I still find my ‘rational’ mind, trying to convince me that these things are ‘impossible’, yet I’ve proven them to myself… and others, beyond any shadow of any doubt, many times over. This shows just how strong our conditioning is, and that it takes a consistent effort to reverse it.

While much of this knowledge does take years of work to develop, there are several techniques which I can literally teach to anyone with a sufficiently open mind, within minutes; techniques that will transform your life, reacquaint you with the true, magical nature of existence, and provide a path to happiness and bliss not possible using a traditional ‘Western’ approach involving mere psychology or philosophy. These techniques are experiential, can be tested by anyone, are repeatable, and can provide actual measurable results.

In this blog, if there is sufficient interest, I will attempt to teach some of these techniques of manifestation and the manipulation of time and space, seemingly impossible, yet quite accessible, to anyone serious enough, brave enough, and open-minded enough to simply try. I believe that within these mystical techniques, lies the solutions to all of the world’s ills, and together as students we can practice and master them in order to make a difference not only in our lives, but in the ‘external world’ itself.

My adventures have changed me for the better. Nothing is to me as it was before. My thoughts no longer fall into predefined ruts, worn deep by the habitually myopic hoards of brainwashed and conditioned people that have carved these into the very landscape of the human psyche. Where limitation, routine, and strict reductionism existed before, magic and the exhilaration of infinite possibilities exists now.

Most of my readers will most likely have a spiritual bent, and be quite comfortable embracing an expanded worldview, others will not. But even the skeptical are welcome, as I’ve got techniques I can teach in seconds, when simply tried and experimented with can quickly prove that our paradigm of reality must be seriously limited, or they couldn’t possibly work. It just takes the ability to suspend disbelief, and the courage to try with a fully open mind. I’m hoping I can learn from you as well, as many of you will have had your own learning adventures on the vast sea of awareness, different than my own, but no less valid.

Are you ready to have your mind blown wide open with possibilities which are beyond your ability to comprehend and imagine? Are you ready to transform your life into something wonderful and inconceivable, ripe with infinite possibility? When one walks the shores of the sea of awareness, and opens the mind and the heart, nothing is impossible. Lifting the veil of our limited, conditioned view of reality opens up wide new expanses of adventure, possibility, freedom, happiness, and bliss.

Join me on my adventure, together we can save ourselves, and maybe even the world.